Introduction to This Blog Series
I was 27 years old when I entered into the realization that there was something wrong with me and one of the original diagnosis was Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD.
But, not a lot was known about this horribly stigmatized disorder because BPD patients were considered impossible to treat or wrongly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.
Along with BPD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) and Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS) were also added to my diagnostic mix.
ADHD was quickly debunked and over the past two decades most professionals leaned towards my having PTSD or a Dissociative Disorder – but something about these disorders never seemed to fit.
Add menopause to the mix and the confusion became even more confusing.
Here are past blogs I’ve written about my struggles with anxiety and what felt like PTSD or DDNOS:
- Managing Anxiety -The Space of No Mind
- Managing Anxiety and the Mind of Choice
- Anxiety – The Antithesis of Personal Connection
- Anxiety & Cannabidiol (CBD) & Exercise
- Trauma, Flashbacks and Dissociative Disorders
- AM I: In a Panic Attack or Trauma Response or Dissociation or Menopause? How Do I Tell The Difference?
As well, I have a history of alcohol addiction.
On February 17th, 2022 I celebrate my second year living an alcohol-free life.
My Struggles With Alcohol Can be Read in These Blogs:
- Mystic Order – Reiki Level IIIA – 21 Day Cleanse – A Miracle Has Happened
- Spiritual Discipline – My Alcohol Addiction – My Story Now
- Personal Development – Cutting the Ties That Bind – Saying Goodbye to Alcohol
- Is Too Much a Choice or Addiction?
- Personal Development – A Wild Woman’s Journey With Drinking and Hedonism While Walking the Spiritual Path
- Personal Development – A Wild Woman’s Slow Transformation Towards Her Best Self
- OYNB – One Year No Beer – This Wild Woman’s Successful Journey of the 28 Day Challenge and Beyond!
- Personal Development – A Wild Woman Walking the Spiritual Path – A Wild Woman Redefined? Absolutely!
- Personal Development – Living Alcohol Free – Musings During Day 78
- Just For Today – I Will Do My Work Honestly
- Just For Today – I Will Do My Work Honestly
- Personal Development – Living An Alcohol Free Life – Year One
And now, at 52 years old, and after a thorough assessment by a seasoned psychiatrist – I am finally properly diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder.
This blog series called Owning and Unraveling Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder is my way of processing and understanding these complex personality disorders and how they manifest, interfere with and enhance my life.
And, as it has been said to me from friends who have family members with Borderline Personality Disorder, perhaps I can help dispel misconceptions and stigmas associated with these mental illnesses.
As well, perhaps I can shed some light and more personal information on what living with Histrionic Personality Disorder is like, for those who are also walking this path.
Anger From the Amber Heard & Johnny Depp Mudslinging Trial
I can’t even really type this without filling with anger.
All I know is that, according to the news, Johnny Depp hired a psychiatrist to determine her state of mind – it being she has Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder.
I’m sure his lawyers will use it to question her state of mind, and say she is crazy.
It seems – from what little I’ve read on the Internet – meaning I’ve skimmed titles on newspaper articles – is that their court battle has come down to mud slinging.
What makes me angry is that this use of her alleged personality disorder diagnoses is not being used in a positive way – to enlighten everyone about BPD and HPD.
It’s being used against her – making everyday people like myself with these diagnoses feel a deep sense of shame because of how these complex personality disorders are being portrayed in the worldwide feeding frenzy of the lives of famous people – in not a helpful way.
It makes me angry.
Because Borderline Personality Disorder already has a bad reputation.
And, what little is known about Histrionic Personality Disorder – isn’t that great either – because we want to be the centre of attention and will use sex to get it.
And by the way – those with HPD are also easily influenced by others.
This personality disorder is a scary one, if someone who has it falls into the wrong hands of say a narcissist or someone with Antisocial Personality Disorder.
I think it is easy to assume that Hollywood is mostly populated with the DSM-5’s Cluster B Personality Disorders.
Because, and my husband would agree, I would have been an incredible actress and would have possibly thrived in Hollywood – if I made it that far.
Unfortunately, the film/theatre/television lifestyle is a wild one – and I was quick to fall when I entered the film industry because of my struggles with addiction.
Ironically, I thrived in the film industry because of my BPD and HPD traits.
And, again that is why I believe that most everyone in Hollywood falls under the DSM-5’s Cluster B Personality Disorders.
In Need of a Reset
With the above recent news making me so angry, it ties into and reinforces my recent need to reset.
A week ago, I’ve reevaluated my therapeutic approach to healing through BPD and HPD – meaning I realize that I truly need to immerse myself in Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
I’ve reduced my therapy from once a week, to every second week – leaving a week in-between to process and practice Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills.
My therapists totally supports this and recommends we find a balance between, as I call it – attending DBT school with her – and processing how my life is at that time.
As well, I’m going to give myself time to do my DBT homework – scheduling time each week – one evening a week – where I can immerse myself in learning DBT skills.
Because DBT is what works for BPD – and is transferable to so many life situations for most people out there in the world who struggle with regulating their emotions.
As for HPD, this has another recommended therapeutic approach.
One I will talk about on another day.
From Shame to Empowered
Is gonna take time, because I am in a place where I am now reviewing my entire life through the lens of BPD and HPD.
It’s a lot to swallow.
It’s a lot to process.
One step at a time….
One day at a time…
And then there is this…. words of support from my husband….
“I am the most important person in your life, and I love you. Let that be your go to…”
Owning and Unraveling Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder
- Forget Everything I’ve Said – I’ve Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder
- Borderline Personality Disorder – Introduction to Symptoms & Causes
- Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder – Today’s Ramble on Identity & Calm & CBD & THC
- Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder – Scrambled Egg Thoughts & Soaring Eagles
- Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder – The World is Hard Work
- Borderline Personality Disorder – Emotions Borderline Style & Seeing Is Believing
- Borderline Personality Disorder – Intentional Interventions & Ah-Ha Moments
- Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder – Anger & Lettin’ Loose & How BPD Am I?
- Borderline Personality Disorder – Mindfulness & Releasing Repressed Grief
- Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder – The Stigma & Non-Social Acceptance
- Borderline Personality Disorder – Practicing Non-Judgement & Finding Synthesis Between Opposites
- Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder – The Start of EMDR – Creating New Pathways to Calm
- Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder – The Pros and Cons of Medical THC & CBD
- Histrionic Personality Disorder – This One’s Hard To Process – Gonna Be Baby Steps
- Borderline Personality Disorder & HistrionicPersonality Disorder – In Need of A Reset
- Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder – Owning The Chaos – It Has Made My Life Interesting
- Borderline Personality Disorder & Histrionic Personality Disorder – Anxious – Ambivalent (Preoccupied) Attachment Style