Letting Go – Leaving the Relationship
Photo Credit – Quotesgram
Sometimes love means letting go. Letting go of love, knowing when to say goodbye, is an incredibly courageous step in living an authentic life.
I ask, what is worse: the pain of staying in the relationship or the pain of letting it go?
I’ve been in relationships that lasted much longer than they should have because I did not have the courage to be honest with myself and admit I truly wasn’t happy. I stayed and tried to make them work – until one day something snapped inside of me and I just couldn’t stay any longer – and I left.
The pain I was in while in those relationships wasn’t muted when good aspects of the relationship happened because of the undercurrent of disconnect between us. The relationships would never improve – because of the people we were and our history.
You can’t force love.
There are deal breakers in relationships. Two good people can give it a go but can have such different goals and fundamental beliefs that these differences will make it impossible for the other to feel like a good fit. Hopefully, they can end the relationship with mutual respect.
Or it can end “War of the Roses” kinda way…
Or not end, and you remain trapped in an unauthentic existence always wishing the other person will change for the relationship to work, and vice versa.
Fresh Start
Letting go of a relationship that you worked so hard at, is not easy. It’s difficult letting go of the imagined possibilities between you and that person, when everything felt right. But those moments of imaginings were just that – because deep down you know it is just a dream. The relationship will never be as you hoped because of the level of disconnect.
But, what I have experienced after heartbreak is the freedom of the possibilities of the fresh start! I have learned more about myself – what I want and do not want in a relationship – and have grown as a woman.
I was 45 years old when I met the love of my life. Deep down, I always knew a love I yearned for was possible. It only happened when I was very aware of what I was looking for and had a deeper understanding of myself.
Photo Credit – Boom Sumo
You’ll Know
You’ll know if you’re not happy in a relationship.
I spent 10 years in a relationship with a man I was not truly happy with.
I spent another five years with a man I was not truly happy with.
I knew I wasn’t happy in the relationships, and no matter how hard I tried or didn’t try there was always a feeling within me that something wasn’t right. Why I stayed in these relationships when I wasn’t happy had a lot to do with how I felt about myself and was a reflection of where I was in my life.
They were good men, but I was not a good fit for them and vice versa.
You’ll know when you’re happy with someone.
Truly happy.
Because you will be happy with yourself – with or without them.
And when the tough stuff happens, you navigate it together – committed to each other. When the small stuff happens, you learn to laugh at it, together. You know that all the baggage you bring with you will be stored alongside your partner’s baggage – and you unpack it. Slowly. Together.
You’re deeply committed, connected and have each other’s best interest at heart. You’re both safe.
When Love is Working – Let it Go
This is letting go of the desperate need for love, allowing room for it to flourish naturally.
To stop chasing it, the need to know your partner loves you. To trust that you are safe. To trust they have your best interest at heart.
To stop trying to hold onto the love – to cling to it. Let the love go – metaphorically. This takes a lot of courage and trust, with an inner freedom to truly be yourself. As you release your need to control the love and let it be free, you free yourself from the toxic need to be loved by another. You love yourself enough to know that you’ll be fine, with or without them.
It doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate the love, it means you have confidence in yourself that you will be okay in the world. You are strong enough, brave enough, competent enough to be safe in the world without them.
If you love something, set it free…. if it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t it never was.
Only by letting go, do you allow love the ability to properly flourish.
It is then you’re both free to be uniquely you. To be two imperfect people, perfect for each other.
S, 💙
Originally published: June 20th, 2021
Photo Credit – quotetab.com
About me: Stephanie Wells
I’m a Reiki Master Teacher of Usui Shiki Ryoho – the Usui System of Natural Healing. I was attuned in Levels I, II & IIIA in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. During a 6 week stay in Mararikulam North, Kerala, India I was reattuned in Levels I, II, & IIIA as well as acquiring my Level IIIB Master Teacher attunement.
55 Rules For Love:
Study Of “The 55 Rules For Love”
55 Rules For Love – Rule #1 – When It Arrives, Cherish It
55 Rules For Love – Rule #2 – Whatever You Accept, You Will Get
55 Rules For Love – Rule # 5 – Don’t Say Words With The Intent To Hurt
55 Rules For Love – Rule # 6 – Accept And Forgive Easily
55 Rules For Love – Rule #7 – Don’t Be Scared To Disagree, It Is Healthy
55 Rules For Love – Rule #8 – Never Be Too Busy For Each Other
55 Rules For Love – Rule #9 – Do Not Punish
55 Rules For Love – Rule #10 – Accept Honest Criticism, It Is Good For Us
55 Rules For Love – Rule #11 – Admit When You Are Wrong, Quickly
55 Rules For Love – Rule #12 – Support Each Other When The Going Gets Tough
55 Rules For Love – Rule # 13 – Live In The Moment – Be Present
55 Rules For Love – Rule #14 – Leave The Past Where It Belongs
55 Rules For Love – Rule #15 – Leave Drama Out Of It
55 Rules For Love – Rule #16 – Don’t Try To Control
55 Rules For Love – Rule #17 – Allow A Small Amount of Jealousy
55 Rules For Love – Rule #18 – Don’t Use Comparisons
55 Rules For Love – Rule #19 – Celebrate Differences
55 Rules For Love – Rule #20 – Communicate Openly and Honestly
55 Rules For Love – Rule #21 – Listen Very Carefully
55 Rules For Love – Rule #22 – Don’t Judge
55 Rules For Love – Rule # 23 – Don’t Manipulate To Get Results
55 Rules For Love – Rule # 24 – Learn and Grow
55 Rules For Love – Rule #25 – Don’t Try To Change Each Other
55 Rules For Love – Rule #26 – Don’t Condemn Each Other’s Family and Friends
55 Rules For Love – Rule #27 – Lines, Flaws and Imperfections are Beautiful
55 Rules For Love – Rule #28 – Trust Your Instincts, But Don’t Be Paranoid
55 Rules For Love – Rule #30 – Instead of Power, Aim For Balance
55 Rules for Love – Rule #31 – Space Is Needed To Breathe And To Grow
55 Rules for Love – Rule #32 – Accept That You Are Both Unique – Never Compare
55 Rules For Love – Rule #33 – Have Fun, Laugh and Play – A Lot
55 Rules For Love – Rule #34 – Be Each Other’s Best Friend
55 Rules For Love – Rule #35 – Don’t Play Mind Games
55 Rules For Love – Rule #36 – Do Not Carelessly Throw Away Love
55 Rules For Love – Rule #37 – Don’t Waste Energy With Negative Thoughts
55 Rules For Love – Rule #38 – Compliment Often
55 Rules For Love – Rule #39 – Discover Each Other
55 Rules For Love – Rule #40 – Be Attentive And Understand What’s Not Said
55 Rules For Love – Rule #41 – Do At Least One Romantic And Thoughtful Thing Every Day
55 Rules For Love – Rule #42 – Take Picnics And Sleep Under The Stars
55 Rules For Love – Rule #43 – Don’t Just Speak About It, Show Love
55 Rules For Love – Rule #44 – Walk Together, Cook Together, Bathe Together, Read Together
55 Rules For Love – Rule #45 – Do Not Be Afraid, Love Requires Surrender
55 Rules For Love – Rule #46 – Be Loyal And Faithful
55 Rules For Love – Rule #47 – Trust
55 Rules For Love – Rule # 48 – Be Grateful
55 Rules For Love – Rule #49 – Fluidity Is Good, Accept Change
55 Rules For Love – Rule #50 – Don’t Sleep On A Fight
55 Rules For Love – Rule #51 – Don’t Cling To It, Know When To Let Go
55 Rules For Love – Rule #52 – Discover What Turns You Both On And Explore It
55 Rules For Love – Rule #52 – Make Love, But Also F*ck (Regularly)
55 Rules For Love – Rule #54 – Give And Receive Without Measure
55 Rules For Love – Rule #55 – Never Gamble With What You Can’t Afford To Lose