The differences that draw a couple together can become a source of many disagreements later in the relationship, if these differences are not embraced.
However, there always has to be space to grow and learn as a couple embraces their differences along their path of personal growth and mutual respect. Complacency is certain death to any relationship.
Trying to change the other person is not respectful, not growing and learning together, nor is it accepting and embracing your differences.
Captain Kirk and Spock
There are fundamental behaviors that navigate how we go about our lives – reflecting our personality.
For example, I am very expressive, emotional and wear my heart on my sleeve. My husband is logical, rational and keeps his heart tucked in a safe place. I’m Captain Kirk – impulsive and go with my gut. My husband is Spock who is able to keep his emotions out of a situation and assess with logic.
I can’t change my husband from his Spock style of navigating life to be more like my Captain Kirk way, and vice versa. Trust me, we’ve tried to change each other to be more like the other – and this only creates hurtful feelings of non-acceptance between us.
However, I am learning to be better at regulating my emotions and my husband is learning to recognize emotions are as important as logic. We are growing and learning – not forcing each other to change. Big difference.
Can’t Force Change
I can’t force my husband to change, just like he can’t force me to change. Resentments, hurt and anger are a consequence of this. Time, acceptance, communication, and a deep commitment to each other and our marriage, are key ingredients to how we navigate and grow together. To bring out the best in each other, help each other and make the best of our differences. Be a team!
Captain Kirk and Spock make a great team. They don’t change each other – they work together – making the best of each other’s differences to boldly go where no person has gone before. Yet, Spock has learned to embrace his humanness – his emotions and Kirk has at times controlled his emotional impulses because of Spock’s logic – averting certain disaster.
May you live long and prosper, and try not to change each each other but grow together.
Originally published: July 23rd, 2020
About me: Stephanie Wells
I’m a Reiki Master Teacher of Usui Shiki Ryoho – the Usui System of Natural Healing. I was attuned in Levels I, II & IIIA in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. During a 6 week stay in Mararikulam North, Kerala, India I was reattuned in Levels I, II, & IIIA as well as acquiring my Level IIIB Master Teacher attunement.