Rule #20 is Communicate Openly and Honestly. I write at length about the skill of active listening, a skill that gives space to communicate openly and honestly with each other. I’ve included the link below to read more on this rule:
Content and paraphrasing – this is the ability to detach from your own brain and interpretation to actually repeat back what your partner has said. Example: If I hear you correctly, what you’re saying is….
Reflect emotional content – this is the ability to identify the emotions your partner is expressing and express this back to them. Example: You sound really sad and hurt right now….
Pay attention to body language – this is the ability to pick up non-verbal cues from your partner and connect that to the content. Are their arms crossed in defense, are they not able to look you in the eye, is one leg restless? This skill helps to identify emotional content.
Listen Very Carefully to What is Not Being Said
Body language tells me a lot. When I’m talking to my husband, his body language tells me if he is paying attention, is nervous, is caring, is frustrated, not interested or deeply sad.
Be sure to listen very carefully to your partner’s body language, to see if it matches their words.
Some topics are just too painful. These minefield issues need to be eased into with patience and love. Pay attention to clues and gentle moments when your partner feels safe enough with you to share some of the deepest hurts recessed within their heart.
Then, listen very carefully, because you’re holding their heart in your hands.
Sometimes listening very carefully, means saying nothing at all.
You’re holding a safe space for them to share – without judgement or a need to fix – in comfortable, loving silence.
Then there are those moments of comfortable silence when no words are needed. You’re together. Just being; while listening to the peaceful… calm love between you.
This quote by Sarika Pandey says it perfectly – I love listening to you, even when you sit in silence.
Originally published: May 9th, 2020
About me: Stephanie Wells
I’m a Reiki Master Teacher of Usui Shiki Ryoho – the Usui System of Natural Healing. I was attuned in Levels I, II & IIIA in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. During a 6 week stay in Mararikulam North, Kerala, India I was reattuned in Levels I, II, & IIIA as well as acquiring my Level IIIB Master Teacher attunement.