Drama = Theatrics = Making a Big Deal Over Nothing = Overreacting = Being Irrational = Acting Crazy

= Me

Well, how I used to be.

I’ve come a long way from screaming at my husband during a heated, one-sided argument, as he hides in the car with windows rolled up and doors locked, while I’m standing there half-naked, wearing only underwear!

The car was parked in front of our villa.

I’d call that drama!!

Thankfully, this argument was during the wee hours of the morning and (hopefully) most of our neighbors were asleep.

It is not good to be half-naked in a public place in a Muslim country….

But I’m French!

I could argue that I’m passionate, I’m French!!!

That doesn’t justify craziness and my inability to manage my emotions that creates needless drama when both my husband and I are hurting because we are arguing.

The Art of Emotional Regulation

Marriage is going to test our patience, our boundaries, our limits. Learning to regulate my emotions when I’m tested, and not create unnecessary drama has been a long road. Over the years, I’ve evolved From: people pleaser – being the good girl – don’t upset anyone To: having my voice be heard, loud and clear with insanity woven into it and Now: finding my ground and evolving into a woman who can calmly speak her truth.

When I am faced with a situation triggered by the actions of my husband and have a strong emotional response (usually fear), I still feel panic well up inside of me and an instant need to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling, right away, right now… because I need to feel safe, right now.

This panic response used to involve my immediate confrontation of the issue – without any time or space to rationally think about it. Process it.

I wanted the fear or anger to be gone. Immediately.

I would blame my husband for my fear and anger, therefore HE was going to make it go away. I would be in full-fledge panic mode.

Learning to Sit With Uncomfortable Emotions

I am slowly learning how to be with, sit with, have space for strong, uncomfortable emotions like fear or anger. To process, understand and manage them in a reflective way rather than a reactive way when the uncomfortable feelings flood me, and seem to take over.

I’m also feeling safe enough in my marriage that I can actually hear my inner voice telling me everything is okay.

Don’t panic.

Don’t overreact.

Take a breath.

Breathe.

I’m safe.

THINK ABOUT THIS.

Trust

Trust is a huge component in my ability to emotionally regulate; to be able to sit with the uncomfortable ones like fear and anger. Of the 55 Rules for Love, trust is Rule #47. Maybe trust is so far down on the list for a reason, because trust (well for me) is earned and takes time…

There is trust in myself too. I have to trust in myself to know I can handle situations when triggered. That whatever happens, I will be okay and get through this with love and kindness.

Drama For Attention?

There are people who create drama and problems on purpose – to get attention. That would be exhausting in a marriage – like living with a child, not an adult. Maybe I’m way off base with my interpretation of this rule, talking about how I’m learning to emotionally regulate so I don’t create unnecessary drama in our marriage?

But, I don’t think so.

Leave Drama Out of It, Welcome Harmony In…

Leaving drama out of the marriage, or however you label your relationship with your significant other, shows emotional intelligence, a respect for each other and is a stepping stone to a harmonious, deeper connection….

S, ❤️

Originally published: March 7th, 2020

55 Rules For Love:

Study Of “The 55 Rules For Love”

55 Rules For Love – Rule #1 – When It Arrives, Cherish It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #2 – Whatever You Accept, You Will Get

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 3 – Understand That Love Is A Mirror – It Will Show Us Who We Are If We Allow It To

55 Rules For Love – Rule #4 – Only We Can Make Ourselves Happy, It Is Not The Other Person’s Responsibility

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 5 – Don’t Say Words With The Intent To Hurt

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 6 – Accept And Forgive Easily

55 Rules For Love – Rule #7 – Don’t Be Scared To Disagree, It Is Healthy

55 Rules For Love – Rule #8 – Never Be Too Busy For Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #9 – Do Not Punish

55 Rules For Love – Rule #10 – Accept Honest Criticism, It Is Good For Us

55 Rules For Love – Rule #11 – Admit When You Are Wrong, Quickly

55 Rules For Love – Rule #12 – Support Each Other When The Going Gets Tough

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 13 – Live In The Moment – Be Present

55 Rules For Love – Rule #14 – Leave The Past Where It Belongs

55 Rules For Love – Rule #15 – Leave Drama Out Of It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #16 – Don’t Try To Control

55 Rules For Love – Rule #17 – Allow A Small Amount of Jealousy

55 Rules For Love – Rule #18 – Don’t Use Comparisons

55 Rules For Love – Rule #19 – Celebrate Differences

55 Rules For Love – Rule #20 – Communicate Openly and Honestly

55 Rules For Love – Rule #21 – Listen Very Carefully

55 Rules For Love – Rule #22 – Don’t Judge

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 23 – Don’t Manipulate To Get Results

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 24 – Learn and Grow

55 Rules For Love – Rule #25 – Don’t Try To Change Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #26 – Don’t Condemn Each Other’s Family and Friends

55 Rules For Love – Rule #27 – Lines, Flaws and Imperfections are Beautiful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #28 – Trust Your Instincts, But Don’t Be Paranoid

55 Rules For Love – Rule #29 – Don’t Compromise Your Morals And Values And Don’t Expect Them To Either

55 Rules For Love – Rule #30 – Instead of Power, Aim For Balance

55 Rules for Love – Rule #31 – Space Is Needed To Breathe And To Grow

55 Rules for Love – Rule #32 – Accept That You Are Both Unique – Never Compare

55 Rules For Love – Rule #33 – Have Fun, Laugh and Play – A Lot

55 Rules For Love – Rule #34 – Be Each Other’s Best Friend

55 Rules For Love – Rule #35 – Don’t Play Mind Games

55 Rules For Love – Rule #36 – Do Not Carelessly Throw Away Love

55 Rules For Love – Rule #37 – Don’t Waste Energy With Negative Thoughts

55 Rules For Love – Rule #38 – Compliment Often

55 Rules For Love – Rule #39 – Discover Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #40 – Be Attentive And Understand What’s Not Said

55 Rules For Love – Rule #41 – Do At Least One Romantic And Thoughtful Thing Every Day

55 Rules For Love – Rule #42 – Take Picnics And Sleep Under The Stars

55 Rules For Love – Rule #43 – Don’t Just Speak About It, Show Love

55 Rules For Love – Rule #44 – Walk Together, Cook Together, Bathe Together, Read Together

55 Rules For Love – Rule #45 – Do Not Be Afraid, Love Requires Surrender

55 Rules For Love – Rule #46 – Be Loyal And Faithful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #47 – Trust

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 48 – Be Grateful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #49 – Fluidity Is Good, Accept Change

55 Rules For Love – Rule #50 – Don’t Sleep On A Fight

55 Rules For Love – Rule #51 – Don’t Cling To It, Know When To Let Go

55 Rules For Love – Rule #52 – Discover What Turns You Both On And Explore It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #52 – Make Love, But Also F*ck (Regularly)

55 Rules For Love – Rule #54 – Give And Receive Without Measure

55 Rules For Love – Rule #55 – Never Gamble With What You Can’t Afford To Lose