My first thought on this is Melody Beattie’s book, Codependent No More.
Codependency has many definitions, but my favorite is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity. When I have someone’s approval for my behavior and actions – I am happy, I can relax because no one is upset with me and all is peaceful in my world. When I have someone else’s approval of my identity – of who I am – my beliefs and values – then I am happy, and can relax and feel at peace.
Until that moment when other people don’t agree with me – don’t like what I am doing or saying – then I fall apart with anxiety and despair – trying to make things right again, in their eyes – NOT my own.
I have come to learn that I cannot depend on the approval of another person to make me happy.
My second thought on this is, is how do I feel about myself when I sit with myself?
Do I like the person I am? Am I happy with the choices I’ve made, that I’m living with right now?
Do I celebrate my successes and grow from setbacks?
Do I like myself? Am I comfortable in my own skin?
My next thought on this, is do you really know what makes you happy, or are you living someone else’s life instead of you own?
As well, I cannot depend on the love of another to fill an empty void within that must be filled with self-love. I will suck the life out of my partner, with my constant need to be shown love so I can feel safe, secure and happy.
Finally, I ask you…. are you a happy person? Truly, deeply, from within – are you a glass half-full, glass half-empty or there is a jug of water on the table next to the glass to fill it, kinda person?
Would you be happy if all you had were the basics in life, living a simple life?
Would you be happy, even if you had everything you ever dreamed of….
Because as Jon Kabat Zinn says, wherever you go…there you are!
Are you happy wherever you are?
Originally published: January 13th, 2020
About me: Stephanie Wells
I’m a Reiki Master Teacher of Usui Shiki Ryoho – the Usui System of Natural Healing. I was attuned in Levels I, II & IIIA in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. During a 6 week stay in Mararikulam North, Kerala, India I was reattuned in Levels I, II, & IIIA as well as acquiring my Level IIIB Master Teacher attunement.