This is a powerhouse statement.
My first thoughts are, if you’re accepting that your husband/wife/life partner, however you label your significant other, is physically, emotionally or mentally abusing you, then that is what you will get.
Why? Because, in my early twenties, I was in a physically, mentally, emotionally abusive relationship. Why did I stay? Why did I accept it? Because I felt trapped, I didn’t have an out. Once I had an out, I was out!! Why did I accept that behavior? Because I didn’t think I was worthy of love. Because I didn’t know any better at the time. I didn’t know I had a choice in men. When the relationship finally got so bad, especially the emotional and mental abuse, I shut down completely, just waiting for an opportunity to escape. An escape happened when my cousin moved out on her own. She wasn’t even in her apartment a day and I moved in, too. I just needed a safe space to get my head straightened out and make a plan. With the help of my family I found an affordable, dog-friendly apartment in downtown Halifax, on the corner of South and South Park Street. I still dream about that apartment sometimes. It was my safe haven of independence and freedom!
All through my 20’s, 30’s, and into my 40’s I chose not-just-right-for-me-men. I entered therapy at the age of 27 and for over a decade I was introduced to words like self-love, self-esteem, self-worth, boundaries, and inner-child work. Thankfully, over the years, with the help of therapy and my continual work on my inner-self, my choices in men slowly evolved. I gradually learned what characteristics I wanted and did not want in a partner.
Then, when I was 44 years old I decided that was it. No more playing house with a man. No more partner or common-law. No more one-foot-out-the-back-door, a quick exit. My next relationship was going to end in marriage. This man had to be all-in. Nothing less. A relationship bound in marriage in the eyes of the law, a marriage that was sacred – not religious – but two people willing to make a legal commitment to each other – until death-do-us part. I was looking for my ONE. My ONE true love who matched what I had come to realize was important to me in a relationship and willing to jump in with both feet…to be my husband, I would be his wife.
Whatever you accept, you will get.
I found my ONE.
My lenses of what I will accept from my husband and what I get back from him is based on my ever-growing self-esteem, self-love and self-worth; lenses of open and honest communication, safety, trust, vulnerability, acceptance, respect and laughter.
Abuse, drama and one-foot-out-the-door are banned. I no longer accept those behaviors in my life.
This year I have set a goal to run a half-marathon. This goal and my commitment to it, this form of physical exercise paired with my commitment to my inner-work has been like a wonder boost to my self-esteem, self-love and self-worth!! I feel like Wonder Woman as I push myself to increase my run time by 1 minute each day!! I feel like a warrior who is continually striving emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically, to be the best person I can be!
Whatever I accept in love, I will get back in love.
Whatever I accept as love, is the kind of love I will receive.
I accept only a love that honors the best that Michael and I can be, individually and for each other.
So, I ask you…what do you accept in love? What are you accepting as love?
Originally published: January 11th, 2020
About me: Stephanie Wells
I’m a Reiki Master Teacher of Usui Shiki Ryoho – the Usui System of Natural Healing. I was attuned in Levels I, II & IIIA in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. During a 6 week stay in Mararikulam North, Kerala, India I was reattuned in Levels I, II, & IIIA as well as acquiring my Level IIIB Master Teacher attunement.