Opposites attract.

The differences that draw a couple together can become a source of many disagreements later in the relationship, if these differences are not embraced.

However, there always has to be space to grow and learn as a couple embraces their differences along their path of personal growth and mutual respect. Complacency is certain death to any relationship.

Trying to change the other person is not respectful, not growing and learning together, nor is it accepting and embracing your differences.

Captain Kirk and Spock

There are fundamental behaviors that navigate how we go about our lives – reflecting our personality.

For example, I am very expressive, emotional and wear my heart on my sleeve. My husband is logical, rational and keeps his heart tucked in a safe place. I’m Captain Kirk – impulsive and go with my gut. My husband is Spock who is able to keep his emotions out of a situation and assess with logic.

I can’t change my husband from his Spock style of navigating life to be more like my Captain Kirk way, and vice versa. Trust me, we’ve tried to change each other to be more like the other – and this only creates hurtful feelings of non-acceptance between us.

However, I am learning to be better at regulating my emotions and my husband is learning to recognize emotions are as important as logic. We are growing and learning – not forcing each other to change. Big difference.

Can’t Force Change

I can’t force my husband to change, just like he can’t force me to change. Resentments, hurt and anger are a consequence of this. Time, acceptance, communication, and a deep commitment to each other and our marriage, are key ingredients to how we navigate and grow together. To bring out the best in each other, help each other and make the best of our differences. Be a team!

Captain Kirk and Spock make a great team. They don’t change each other – they work together – making the best of each other’s differences to boldly go where no person has gone before. Yet, Spock has learned to embrace his humanness – his emotions and Kirk has at times controlled his emotional impulses because of Spock’s logic – averting certain disaster.

May you live long and prosper, and try not to change each each other but grow together.

S, 💛

Originally published: July 23rd, 2020

55 Rules For Love:

Study Of “The 55 Rules For Love”

55 Rules For Love – Rule #1 – When It Arrives, Cherish It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #2 – Whatever You Accept, You Will Get

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 3 – Understand That Love Is A Mirror – It Will Show Us Who We Are If We Allow It To

55 Rules For Love – Rule #4 – Only We Can Make Ourselves Happy, It Is Not The Other Person’s Responsibility

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 5 – Don’t Say Words With The Intent To Hurt

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 6 – Accept And Forgive Easily

55 Rules For Love – Rule #7 – Don’t Be Scared To Disagree, It Is Healthy

55 Rules For Love – Rule #8 – Never Be Too Busy For Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #9 – Do Not Punish

55 Rules For Love – Rule #10 – Accept Honest Criticism, It Is Good For Us

55 Rules For Love – Rule #11 – Admit When You Are Wrong, Quickly

55 Rules For Love – Rule #12 – Support Each Other When The Going Gets Tough

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 13 – Live In The Moment – Be Present

55 Rules For Love – Rule #14 – Leave The Past Where It Belongs

55 Rules For Love – Rule #15 – Leave Drama Out Of It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #16 – Don’t Try To Control

55 Rules For Love – Rule #17 – Allow A Small Amount of Jealousy

55 Rules For Love – Rule #18 – Don’t Use Comparisons

55 Rules For Love – Rule #19 – Celebrate Differences

55 Rules For Love – Rule #20 – Communicate Openly and Honestly

55 Rules For Love – Rule #21 – Listen Very Carefully

55 Rules For Love – Rule #22 – Don’t Judge

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 23 – Don’t Manipulate To Get Results

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 24 – Learn and Grow

55 Rules For Love – Rule #25 – Don’t Try To Change Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #26 – Don’t Condemn Each Other’s Family and Friends

55 Rules For Love – Rule #27 – Lines, Flaws and Imperfections are Beautiful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #28 – Trust Your Instincts, But Don’t Be Paranoid

55 Rules For Love – Rule #29 – Don’t Compromise Your Morals And Values And Don’t Expect Them To Either

55 Rules For Love – Rule #30 – Instead of Power, Aim For Balance

55 Rules for Love – Rule #31 – Space Is Needed To Breathe And To Grow

55 Rules for Love – Rule #32 – Accept That You Are Both Unique – Never Compare

55 Rules For Love – Rule #33 – Have Fun, Laugh and Play – A Lot

55 Rules For Love – Rule #34 – Be Each Other’s Best Friend

55 Rules For Love – Rule #35 – Don’t Play Mind Games

55 Rules For Love – Rule #36 – Do Not Carelessly Throw Away Love

55 Rules For Love – Rule #37 – Don’t Waste Energy With Negative Thoughts

55 Rules For Love – Rule #38 – Compliment Often

55 Rules For Love – Rule #39 – Discover Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #40 – Be Attentive And Understand What’s Not Said

55 Rules For Love – Rule #41 – Do At Least One Romantic And Thoughtful Thing Every Day

55 Rules For Love – Rule #42 – Take Picnics And Sleep Under The Stars

55 Rules For Love – Rule #43 – Don’t Just Speak About It, Show Love

55 Rules For Love – Rule #44 – Walk Together, Cook Together, Bathe Together, Read Together

55 Rules For Love – Rule #45 – Do Not Be Afraid, Love Requires Surrender

55 Rules For Love – Rule #46 – Be Loyal And Faithful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #47 – Trust

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 48 – Be Grateful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #49 – Fluidity Is Good, Accept Change

55 Rules For Love – Rule #50 – Don’t Sleep On A Fight

55 Rules For Love – Rule #51 – Don’t Cling To It, Know When To Let Go

55 Rules For Love – Rule #52 – Discover What Turns You Both On And Explore It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #52 – Make Love, But Also F*ck (Regularly)

55 Rules For Love – Rule #54 – Give And Receive Without Measure

55 Rules For Love – Rule #55 – Never Gamble With What You Can’t Afford To Lose