Leave Drama Out Of It.
Drama = theatrics = making a big deal over nothing = overreacting = being irrational = acting crazy
Well, how I used to be. I’ve come a long way from screaming at my husband during a heated, one-sided argument, as he hides in the car with windows rolled up and doors locked, while I’m standing there half-naked, wearing only underwear!!
The car was parked in front of our villa.
I’d call that drama!!
Thankfully, this argument was during the wee hours of the morning and (hopefully) most of our neighbors were asleep!! It is not good to be half-naked in a public place in a Muslim country….
But I’m French!
I could argue that I’m passionate, I’m French!!! That doesn’t justify craziness and my inability to manage my emotions that creates needless drama when both my husband and I are hurting because we are arguing.
The Art of Emotional Regulation
Marriage is going to test our patience, our boundaries, our limits. Learning to regulate my emotions when I’m tested, and not create unnecessary drama has been a long road. Over the years, I’ve evolved From: people pleaser – being the good girl – don’t upset anyone To: having my voice be heard, loud and clear with insanity woven into it and Now: finding my ground and evolving into a woman who can calmly speak her truth.
When I am faced with a situation triggered by the actions of my husband and have a strong emotional response (usually fear), I still feel panic well up inside of me and an instant need to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling, right away, right now… because I need to feel safe, right now!!!
This panic response used to involve my immediate confrontation of the issue – without any time or space to rationally think about it. I wanted the fear or anger to be gone. Immediately. Like RIGHT NOW. I would blame my husband for my fear and anger, therefore HE was going to make it go away. I would be in full-fledge panic mode. Fight-flight or freeze. I do have trauma in my history and have in the past been diagnosed with PTSD.
Learning to Sit With Uncomfortable Emotions
I am slowly learning how to be with, sit with, have space for strong, uncomfortable emotions like fear or anger. To process, understand and manage them in a reflective way rather than a reactive way when the uncomfortable feelings flood me, and seem to take over.
I’m also feeling safe enough in my marriage that I can actually hear my inner voice telling me everything is okay. Don’t panic. Don’t overreact. Take a breath. Breathe. I’m safe. THINK ABOUT THIS.
Trust is a huge component in my ability to emotionally regulate; to be able to sit with the uncomfortable ones like fear and anger. Of the 55 Rules for Love, trust is Rule #47. Maybe trust is so far down on the list for a reason, because trust (well for me) is earned and takes time….
There is trust in myself too. I have trust in myself to know I can handle situations that trigger fear and anger in me. That whatever happens, I will be okay and get through this with love and kindness.
Drama For Attention
Maybe Rule #15 means this? There are people who create drama and problems on purpose – to get attention. That would be exhausting in a marriage – like living with a child, not an adult. Maybe I’m way off base with my interpretation of this rule, talking about how I’m learning to emotionally regulate so I don’t create unnecessary drama in our marriage?
Leave Drama Out of It, Welcome Harmony In…
Leaving drama out of the marriage, or however you label your relationship with your significant other, shows emotional intelligence, a respect for each other and is a stepping stone to a harmonious, deeper connection….
About me: Stephanie Wells
I’m a Reiki Master Teacher of Usui Shiki Ryoho – the Usui System of Natural Healing. I was attuned in Levels I, II & IIIA in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. During a 6 week stay in Mararikulam North, Kerala, India I was reattuned in Levels I, II, & IIIA as well as acquiring my Level IIIB Master Teacher attunement.