55 Rules For Love – Rule #10 – Accept Honest Criticism, It Is Good For Us

Accept Honest Criticism, It Is Good For Us

No one likes to be told their faults, especially from those we love; even constructive criticism has a sting to it. I believe no one really likes to be told their faults, because deep down, it really does matter what other people think of us, doesn’t it? I mean, how do we want to be remembered? For our faults or our virtues? Because our faults and virtues – affect those around us!

According to Maya Angelou, … people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

I completely agree. Our actions and words affect others, yes. Our actions and words will eventually be forgotten – yes. But how these actions and words made another person feel will never be forgotten.

That is why it is so important that we accept honest criticism, so we can grow and be a better person. Yes, it hurts when my husband communicates honest criticism of my actions. But his actions are motivated with love, not ego. I will remember how his brave communication made me feel: loved. I want to grow on a path to be a better person and deepen my marriage, and so does my husband. This brave communication of honest criticism for growth goes both ways.

7 Deadly Sins

Well, first off – what are faults in humankind that create criticism? The only reference I can think of are the 7 Deadly Sins taught within the Christian church.

  • Lust – lust for sex, money, power, after another person – having affairs
  • Gluttony – overindulgence and overconsumption – to the point of waste – addictions sure do waste people’s lives…
  • Greed – the pursuit of material possessions – who has the best clothing, most toys, the most money…
  • Sloth – laziness – inertia to improve one’s physical, mental, emotional and spiritual state; to not take responsibility for one’s life
  • Wrath – anger, rage and hatred
  • Envy – insatiable desire, coveting what other’s have that you do not
  • Pride – considered the most deadly sin – ego – selfishness – putting one’s needs, wants and desires above all others

Each “sin” has great depth in meaning and interpretation…

How Is Honest Criticism Good For Us?

It is hard to see our faults when we are living it, and as Rule # 3 states – love is a mirror and will show us who we are, if we allow it to. Love will show us our sunshine side and our dark side.

So, how is honest criticism good for the “us”, as in me and “us”, as in the relationship, when we accept it from our beloved? I believe we can only grow as a person, begetting the growth of the marriage, when we accept the darker sides of ourselves and agree to change it for the better. Our vices, these ill behaviors that our husband, wife, partner, however you choose to label your significant other, observes in us either when we are out in the world or when our vices intentionally or unintentionally hurt them.

Denial = Elephant in the Middle of the Room

If my husband Michael honestly communicates his feelings concerning my behaviors that reflect one or more of the 7 deadly sins, and I do not accept his honest criticism – then this elephant in the middle of the room will grow. My denial, my un-acceptance of his honest criticism will usually evolve into a resentment on both our parts. Michael will resent my unwillingness to see my darker behaviors and how they are negatively affecting myself and the marriage. I will resent his “trying to change me” and his not “accepting” me as I am, meanwhile knowing on some level he is right – thereby digging my stubborn heels in deeper.

Acceptance = Accountability = Growth

If I accept his honest criticism, then I have stepped wholeheartedly into humility and grace. I have welcomed his brave feedback, his honest voice brought forth with love; his love wanting what is best for me and the marriage. The transition may not be easy, a challenging journey as only change can be. But with his support and love; like fertile soil, water and sunshine to a flower, my growth will blossom too…

Therefore, be grateful your husband or wife is brave enough, feels safe enough to communicate this honesty with you, to give you honest criticism. Each one of us are accountable for our actions and behaviors; especially to our spouses.

Because Deep Down, It Truly Does Matter…

~ Not only what other people think of us, especially those we love

~ But how we make people feel, especially those people we love

~ And more importantly is how we feel about ourselves. This, THIS is the true testimony of integrity, I think. Am I humble enough to change? Am I human enough to fall, admit defeat and rise again? Do I inherently feel good about the behaviors as I step into each and every moment…because during the day I am accountable to those around me, who I interact with.

And, at the end of the day…I am accountable to me and my husband, who holds me close and never lets me go….

S, ❤

About me: Stephanie Wells

I’m a Reiki Master Teacher of Usui Shiki Ryoho – the Usui System of Natural Healing. I was attuned in Levels I, II & IIIA in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. During a 6 week stay in Mararikulam North, Kerala, India I was reattuned in Levels I, II, & IIIA as well as acquiring my Level IIIB Master Teacher attunement.

Reiki Picture - 2018 - Doha, Qatar

55 Rules For Love:

55 Rules For Love – Rule #1 – When It Arrives, Cherish It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #2 – Whatever You Accept, You Will Get

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 3 – Understand That Love Is A Mirror – It Will Show Us Who We Are If We Allow It To

55 Rules For Love – Rule #4 – Only We Can Make Ourselves Happy, It Is Not The Other Person’s Responsibility

55 Rules For Love – Rule #5 – Don’t Say Words With The Intent To Hurt

55 Rules For Love – Rule #6 – Accept And Forgive Easily

55 Rules For Love – Rule #7 – Don’t Be Scared To Disagree, It Is Healthy

55 Rules For Love – Rule #8 – Never Be Too Busy For Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #9 – Do Not Punish

55 Rules For Love – Rule #10 – Accept Honest Criticism, It Is Good For Us

55 Rules For Love – Rule #11 – Admit When You Are Wrong, Quickly

55 Rules For Love – Rule #12 – Support Each Other When The Going Gets Tough

55 Rules For Love – Rule # 13 – Live In The Moment – Be Present

55 Rules For Love – Rule #14 – Leave The Past Where It Belongs

55 Rules For Love – Rule #15 – Leave Drama Out Of It

55 Rules For Love – Rule #16 – Don’t Try To Control

55 Rules For Love – Rule #17 – Allow A Small Amount of Jealousy

55 Rules For Love – Rule #18 – Don’t Use Comparisons

55 Rules For Love – Rule #19 – Celebrate Differences

55 Rules For Love – Rule #20 – Communicate Openly and Honestly

55 Rules For Love – Rule #21 – Listen Very Carefully

55 Rules For Love – Rule #22 – Don’t Judge

55 Rules For Love – Rule #23 – Don’t Manipulate To Get Results

55 Rules For Love – Rule #24 – Learn and Grow

55 Rules For Love – Rule #25 – Don’t Try To Change Each Other

55 Rules For Love – Rule #26 – Don’t Condemn Each Other’s Family and Friends

55 Rules For Love – Rule #27 – Lines, Flaws and Imperfections are Beautiful

55 Rules For Love – Rule #28 – Trust Your Instincts, But Don’t Be Paranoid

55 Rules For Love – Rule #29 – Don’t Compromise Your Morals And Values And Don’t Expect Them To Either

55 Rules For Love – Rule #30 – Instead of Power, Aim For Balance

6 Comments Add yours

  1. Margie says:

    Wonderful post, Stephanie.
    I sense a great love between you and Michael.
    Wonderful photos of the two of you together.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Margie!! You’re SO kind!! ❤ ❤ ❤ Yes, there is a great love between us…one that has been an adventure for sure… anything worth having takes great effort…. ❤ ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Margie says:

        Yes, I agree with you Stephanie about the great effort! I have been married many years and my husband and I have been through a lot of ups and downs over the years but our love has seen us through it all. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. ❤ ❤ ❤ Amen to that!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  2. mama says:

    This is excellent! Love the way you weaved in those 7 deadly sins and expanded on them. Marriage comes with a lot of peaks and valleys and we learn from each “bump” along the way.When all is said and done if we can look at each other and say …
    I can’t promise to fix all your problems …but…
    I can promise you won’t have to face them alone…💑❤️
    This is a wonderful Rule #10.😍Nice to see you both so happy💞
    mama🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks mama!!!! Love you lots!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

      Like

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