When I arrived at Carnoustie Ayurvedic & Wellness Resort in Kerala, India, I brought with me recently revealed issues of enmeshment which I had just started working on with a Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) psychologist in Qatar. This therapist and I were also discussing my past history of misdiagnosis and my desire to figure out what diagnosis did she think I actually had. Reviewing my history, we seemed to settle on Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) with anxiety and depression popping up along the way.

I was planning to use the week at Carnoustie to dive deep into the enmeshment issues in hopes of resolving it. I would read about enmeshment. I would log my toxic enmeshment thoughts using a Cognitive Behavior App on my phone, I would journal write using the techniques introduced to me by my CBT therapist.  I would meditate on it. I would find out how to break free of enmeshment’s toxic chains.

But within the first few days of my stay in the Ayurvedic resort – I suddenly and surprisingly wanted to find another way to heal from enmeshment rather than the above mentioned strategies I’d brought with me. I didn’t want to put so much focus on the issues. I wanted the person I am to become more “evolved” to be able to handle these troubling issues I’d brought with me instead of stopping every five minutes to log looping negative thoughts into an App on my iPhone.

I was in India. I was at an Ayurvedic resort, steeped in this ancient Indian medicine of healing mind, body and spirit. Even the Japanese Usui Shiki Ryoho Reiki healing system was infused with traditional yoga wisdom.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy was not part of the Ayurvedic vocabulary.

I glared at the issues screaming at me in the mirror, wanting to be heard – dealt with.  I wasn’t sure what to do….

But the programs at Carnoustie started to take effect…

My personal issues seemed to dissolve as I eventually allowed myself to fall whole heartedly into my morning and evening yoga practices, my daily Ayurvedic treatments, as well as my studies of Reiki and traditional yoga philosophy with Dr. Raj.

With my deeper understanding of yoga philosophy and karma, I started to let go of the looping negative enmeshment thoughts in my head. With my deeper understand of living a life of Reiki with the Reiki Principles, I let go of my need to worry and be angry – just for the day. I stopped trying to see how BPD symptoms manifested in myself so I could “fix” them and started focusing on loving myself and others….

I started to feel true inner peace that evolved out of my conscious connection to the Divine Source with my deepening studies of Reiki and traditional yoga practices. As well, acknowledging this Divinity within myself and others and focusing my mind on Divine qualities like love, compassion, joy, forgiveness, honesty, purity, hope, charity, humility, and grace brought true happiness.

I felt rock-solid steady to step back out into the world, and return to Qatar. But, sadly, I lost all the wisdom learned at Carnoustie within a few short days of my return to Qatar with news of having two weeks to leave the country.  Click here to read about that….

But not was lost because plans were put in place that once we left Qatar we’d return to Mararikulam North, Kerala, and this time I wasn’t flying solo….it was a duo of Michael and me!

S, 🙂