To me, at this time, an authentic moment is when I’m free from my mind – free of the maladaptive coping skills I blogged about yesterday. Here is the link if you’d like to know more about what that means:
In an authentic moment, I am free of toxic guilt and fear. I am free of worry. I am free of feeling like I am responsible for making someone else’s life miserable. All traits of enmeshment.
In an authentic moment, the volume of the scared, young girl within me – who is the voice of enmeshment, has been lowered…where I can actually breathe and relax.
I spoke about empowerment in yesterday’s blog. Empowerment from enmeshment.
And there is also autonomy.
Autonomy means to be free to govern myself and have control of my own affairs.
The struggle is real to break free of the chains of enmeshment because of the toxic guilt, toxic fear and as mentioned the feeling that I will be responsible for making the other person’s life miserable.
This, as I mentioned in my blog about approaching fifty, is why I am taking this issue, this scared young girl within me to therapy. I’ve been working on myself since I was 27 years old. I’m well versed in the “how-to” steps to release yourself from enmeshment: I can detach with love, set boundaries, not engage in power struggles and game playing, etc….. but at this time the emotional strength needed to do so is intense. That is why support is so important and a trained therapist to guide the way.
So, the next natural question is am I able to identify what happens that lowers the volume of the scared, young girl within me and feel free from the toxic ties of enmeshment to have authentic moments?
Reiki helps for sure; both self-treatments and giving treatments. But once I step away from my small private practice and enter into the week of the real world, my energy quickly drains and the enmeshment volume rises.
Yesterday, after I’d given someone a Reiki treatment, I sat in our garden feeling very much at peace and connected to the present moment. I watched as Michael painted his mural on a wall that encloses our villa. Our cats and dog lazed in the midday sun. The birds chirped in the trees. The sun blazed in the sky as wispy white clouds floated by. Later, I tried to explain to Michael what that authentic moment felt like for me. It felt like I was somehow connected to everything right then and there. I could feel the serenity of a peaceful life all around me…
The picture I picked for the feature image is in Beatenburg, Switzerland. Climbing the mountain was hard work – but so rewarding at the end. I picked this picture because I’ve some more work to do on me – some more mountains to climb. But, by looking back at the past and the difficult years gone by with new eyes and seeing what I need to heal now – I feel so hopeful that inner peace will one day be mine…..
S, <3 <3 <3