There is a book, I haven’t read it but know of it, called Cutting the Ties That Bind by Phyllis Krystal.
I bring this up because for decades, freeing ourselves of the false security, the shadow of dependency on another person, thing or condition is a common malady brought to therapists who help others let go of their unhealthy attachment to the past, people, a thing or even emotions.
My unhealthy attachment was alcohol. With the cravings to drink diminished, this has allowed me space to observe with confidence that the cravings were to numb.
Remove the need to numb – I’m left to notice a void in my time once filled by the habitual pattern of drinking.
With this transition from an alcoholic life to a non-alcohol life, I felt fear creep up – self-doubt. So what do I do?
What do I do with this time I had that was once filled with drinking?
I realized in a way, I was grieving the loss of alcohol in my life because of the void let by it – what was I going to do now? Would I get bored and the cravings creep back in? I was scared. I was truly scared I would start drinking again because I didn’t know what to do with myself!
I thought of those who were released from prison and their struggles to adapt to a ‘normal’ life. Without a support network to help them climatize back into society, most reoffend to go back to what offered them a false sense of security – prison life.
With the void in my time once spent drinking – what I heard loud and clear was my authentic self screaming at me to be heard! It was time to walk a spiritual path back to who I am and my purpose here on this earth! It was time to stop betraying my true self and have the courage to face my life, my marriage, me!
It was time to cut the alcoholic tie that bound me, to free myself to step fully into me with all my soul, spirit and heart!
Not to say that my life is all Pollyanna perfect now. It’s not, because life is messy.
What guides me now is self-love! Taking care of myself each day, moment by moment. Making choices that make me feel better about myself. Healthy choices for me, my marriage and even my work! I feel more grounded – more connected. With each day that I act in loving service to myself first, then in loving service to others my self-confidence has started to increase, so does my compassion and ability to be. Just be.
Now, when issues in my marriage arise – alcohol is no longer to blame and hidden truths can surface.
When work stressors arise – I’m not tired from drinking too much wine the night before – and able to meet the challenges with more clarity.
My once typical emotional overreactions, taking everything personally are calmer, better – now downgraded from a hurricane to a tropical storm because I’m taking better care of myself.
Reiki has become my passion. I’m setting goals. Aspiring to a bigger picture in life – instead of just getting by each day – holding on by my fingertips….
As the steps up to a restaurant in Hydra say:
Life is special
At a time….