This is a difficult blog to start. This is one that had to wait until my heart was ready. My heart still isn’t quite ready, but sometimes with grief, going through it is the only way.
On February 18th, my beloved dog Marlow, my loyal companion for 14 years died in my arms. We had to make the difficult decision, which wasn’t really difficult because she deteriorated so quickly, painful decision is more like it….of euthanasia. This wasn’t my first time through this unbearable life moment. I had two other dogs that I had to make the same decision with. Mookie was 14 years old with sudden internal hemorrhaging, she died in my arms. Garbo had cancer. 7 years old. Her pain was too much. She died in my arms. Marlow’s death wasn’t any easier. My heart felt like it was aching in actual physical pain when I handed her lifeless body to the vet to take her away to, like Mookie and Garbo, be cremated.
Unknowing at the time, but these are the last pictures of Marlow I took, taken February 9th. She started to get sick a few days after this. She died 9 days later. I did take a few pictures of her while we were in the vet hospital together. But I deleted those because she was wrapped up in her blanket. Very sick. Those pictures were too painful to keep.
Marlow loved laying in the sun, snuggling, sleeping, food and when she was younger, running free!
Before we moved to the Middle East, Marlow used to hang out at the sea kayaking base where I worked, while I took tours out on the water. Here she is with me before I took a group out for a morning tour!
What has been easier this time is the acceptance of death. The learning of letting go. Maybe it is my age? Maybe because recently there has been so much death around me. Two students I support each lost a grandparent within a week of each other. My husband recently lost his mother. His father is dying of cancer. I remember my mother once saying something like being at an age when parents start dying. Death seems to be all around you. I’m in that time.
Marlow, like Mookie and Garbo, is forever in my heart. At one time, all three were with me. Mookie was 13 years old. Garbo and Marlow puppies. My original three. They’re all gone now. At the Rainbow Bridge……waiting for me…………..
I miss her so much…… ❤ ❤ ❤
Here is a painting of Marlow, by my dear friend Erin Laende:
With a deeply sad heart,