It’s an odd thing, that moment when I realised at any given time I can make a choice to keep me safe and avoid anxiety. I’m not talking safe to avoid anxiety as in deciding not to walk, alone, through a dangerous neighbourhood at 2:00am, safe.
I talking about that inner feeling of safety because I’ve trusted myself that I’ve made a good choice for myself, therefore creating inner peace, not creating fear based thoughts.
I’ve written about Space of No Mind, a technique I read and blogged about to help detach myself from my fear based thoughts. This helps. But, recently, I started to notice and ask myself, what choices am I making on a daily basis to invite situations that create anxiety for myself? I am well versed in my fears, my personal demons and what creates, triggers them. And I’ll be damned that my fears that give me the most anxiety are the areas I make the most mistakes, make bad choices in, creating MORE anxiety!
You’d think at 47 years old I’d have a better filter, had learned lessons along the way. But, for me, anxiety has always been like a revved-up, super engine that hyped me up with a blind, positive, people-pleasing smile, pushing me forward at warp speed. Blind is the best way to describe it. The higher the anxiety, the more blind I become and less able to make choices, bad choices creates anxiety, and so on.
Moving here, to this gritty, harsh land that dates back to the beginning of history has, in its own ways, given me a fresh start and forced me with unrelenting forgiveness to examine how I manage fear-based choices when I’m face-to-face with them.
This starts with rebuilding faith in myself, trust that I can make choices that won’t trigger anxiety. To do this, is to start s-l-o-w-l-y. Opposite of the fast paced, raging speed of the anxiety machine. Slowing EVERYTHING down in how my day unfolds. One moment at a time. One day at a time. To take the time to CHOOSE. To take the time to decide. To honour what feels right for me.
Life truly is a process and I want to slow myself down to be a part of this, to fill with inner peace while moving from one moment to the next, feeling secure and safe with the choices I’ve made.